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Q: What did the three-legged dog say after hobbling into the saloon?
A: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank .... proving once again, that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
Q:
Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain during his root canal?
A: Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", one asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind In the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one was known as the lesser of the two weevils.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain, and is named "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, She tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. To this, her husband responds: "Why? They're twins, and if you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This is why he was known to many as the super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
I once knew a man named Rob who sent ten different jokes to each of his friends, each one contained a pun. He hoped that at least one of them would make his friends laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
The FAA rules state that all pilots should have an equal amount of take-offs and landings.
Q: What did the termite ask upon entering the local tavern?
A: "Is the bar tender here?"
Yesterday, scientists in Denmark revealed that beer may contain proteins very similar to female hormones. During their study, the scientists gave 100 men 6 bottles of beer a day for one month and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when they were wrong. No further testing is planned…
The capatilist's philosophy: Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and you can sell him equipment for a lifetime!
Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder.
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian are observing a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, and each one comments... First to remark is the Englishman, who states: "Look at their sense of reserve, and their calm state, they must be British." "Nonsense," responded the Frenchman. "They're naked, and very beautiful, so clearly they must be French." Nonsense!" said the Russian... "No clothes, no shelter, they have only an apple to eat, and they are being told that they are in paradise. They must certainly be Russian!"
